Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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