Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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