yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
now i know why i became what i already was.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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