There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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