You just made me feel so damn special
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
