I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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