And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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