omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
