ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
