So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
