Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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