I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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