Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
