His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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