Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
