why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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