Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
