you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
