in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
