____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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