your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
