i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
