My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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