Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
