I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i drank out of a bidet.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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