his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
