he thought i was a dude.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
