you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
