oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
