Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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