What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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