4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
