we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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