I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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