I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
