I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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