I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
