HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
