I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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