I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
