Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
