It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
