new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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