He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
