We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
