Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
