saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
