Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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