i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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