margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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