Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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