I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
