We're facebook friends in real life
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
