If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am naked and annoyed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
